I am basing this blog on marriage but like I say all the time, people are consistent. I of course believe in 'Tabula Rasa' and feel that's why their are so many cycles, situations where the grandmother, mother, and grand daughter are now in the same boat because they lived what they learned.
A mother is a son's first girlfriend. Depending on that relationship that he has with his mother that will most likely be that lasting image of what he feels his wife will be (in terms of qualities). I've seen a lot of girls that feel the same way about their fathers. There are some females that I know, if they pull up to a gas station and you don't get out of the passenger seat to pump their gas, then they have written you off. Why? It's because their dad always did it for their mom and their dad is the model for the guy they should be with.
Relationships have changed so much. I once heard a comedian say, "Only 25% of marriages are successful. Think about it, the divorce rate is 50% and half of the married people stay together becuase of kids or the finances." I thought about it. What's the problem. (Remember that you both: traditionally have the religious side and have the contractual obligation by law)
1.) The value of the institution of marriage has changed. People used to say "I Do" in front of God and really took that as a promise to him. Now, I think that society is more about the show. You have a lot of people who no longer do it in the church. Without valueing the covenant with the higher power I believe people don't challenge themselves as much to get through the tough times.
2.) People get married at older ages now. It does work many times. I think the problem with that is that the older you get, the more stuck in your ways you become. I know of some Baby Boomers that got married at 17 or 18 and at that point in life, you don't know what you like and you're still being molded. You are still growing as a person and you grow into the marriage. On the other hand, if you get married in your 30's, you may live on your own and know what kind of car you like, how you want your household to be run, you may be too independent, etc. I'm sure you're saying how can you be too independent but I've seen too often independent people not know how to make their counterpart feel necessary. That's why we have insurance. The insurance industry is based on peoples needs to feel secure and safe in case the unexpected happens. People want to get in a relationship and feel that also. If I don't feel that security then I'm always going to be paranoid thinking I'm not good enough because I'll always feel "She can leave me at any time" if it's not there.
3.) In general, I feel that young people (my generation) has issues with sticking with things. You see some older guys, if they were a Pittsburgh Steelers fan when they were younger, they are the same as an adult. If Pitt has a 6-10 year, they are still Pittsburgh fans. You see a lot of young guys bandwagon jumping. They want to be a fan of whoever is good at that time. Sports is one place that I see it alot. But you also see it in other aspects of life.
One thing that I think we can't get into is idolizing older people too much. A lot of young people have issues with is how older generations always sound like their are downing us. It creates a gap. I can say this from being in the choir, working with youth ministry, and teaching Catechism. You have to make sure you relate to millenials and not say, "Something is wrong with kids today."
One thing that I'm beginning to see is that the older generations had just as many problems. Many of them got married at young ages or when the girl got pregnant becuase IT WAS THE THING TO DO. It was not as much of a thought out decision. What happened was, people got married to people they were not compatible with and sometimes it worked and sometimes it did not.
That is the big question, what is the correct formula to making a successful marriage. One of the toughest things is that PEOPLE ARE CONSISTENT and marriage goes against that. There are a lot of guys that aren't faithful because they like variety. They don't want to wear the same outfit everyday and eat the same meal. It gets tired and boring. Then comes the value issue. If you enter a marriage and are not getting what you feel your value is worth, do you stay? Darrell Revis has entered a contract that pays him bottom feed but he is the best cornerback in football. Should he just accept that agreement? There is a lot to think about when making decisions. JUST A THOUGHT
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